i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
