You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
