this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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