mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize