If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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