in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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