First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
