C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
