Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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