I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
