I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
