you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
