So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
