$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
