I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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