i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
