Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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