guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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