Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
