If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love having hate sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
