i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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