Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?

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(845): View more from New York

Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD

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(303): View more from Colorado

I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.

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(716): View more from New York

You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night

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(607): View more from New York

Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?

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(240): View more from Maryland

She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths

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(205): View more from Alabama

At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit

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(+61): View more from Australia

found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?

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