Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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