I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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