i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
