I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize