Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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