I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
