Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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