I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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