Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
