I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He shit in the fireplace
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize