You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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