miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
