How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
