you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
