U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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