everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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