Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
