Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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