my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize