I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
