he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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