Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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