i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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