If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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