Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
