I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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