Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
