Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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