That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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