the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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