I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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