the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
