thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
