shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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