hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
