new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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