You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
