oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
