Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did you pee in the oven last night??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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