White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
