You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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