I just saw a hot homeless man
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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