how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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