i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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