haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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