i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Success! We fucked roommates!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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