I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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