i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he shaved USA in his pubs
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
