my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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