i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
