I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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