I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
