She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
