Sponge bath it is.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
