I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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