So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
