If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
