Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
