I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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