You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
