if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
