Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
