I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
accomplished twins. life is a go
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
