i jhust puked up my retainher.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
