I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize