I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
