very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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