Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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