I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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