You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
